you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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