i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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