Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
