i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
