It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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