I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
