True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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