Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
