Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
