jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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