Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
