She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
