Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
