Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
