just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
