this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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