have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
