Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
