i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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