Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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