i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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