You made me cry and you don't even care
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
