Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
