so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We got so high we made milksteak
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm bleeding and have questions
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
