I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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