Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
