gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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