I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
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his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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