Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
