so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
