i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
