take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize