I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
