yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
