According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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