when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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