East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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