I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
