I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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