Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
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He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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