I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
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Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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