I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
