I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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