i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
