I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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