After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
