if you like me you must not know who I am
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
