Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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