OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
