I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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