A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
