I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
