now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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