everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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