she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
