why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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