Screwed.edu
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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