Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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