That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
