Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
