Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize