I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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