Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
