A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
