My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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