can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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