and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
